Do you ever find yourself just wondering, for a moment, if you matter? Have you ever had those nagging thoughts nip at you… “no one would notice”, “you aren’t doing a good enough job”, “you are just taking up space”…?
I know I have, or I would not be able to write about it. In fact, today even, I have fought off those thoughts, choosing to disregard them, although for brief moments I must admit, I believed. As I realized how much of my time has been spent neglecting some truly important things…I found it all too easy to throw myself into the pit of self-deprecation. But, I have to choose to climb back out, not to stay in the pit for very long, or it will hold me captive.
I chose some bright and fun colors to wear today. I chose some colors out of my “norm”, I think in an effort to shake off the thoughts that lingered, for I must have felt as if they would even show themselves on the outside. I was truly proud of myself, but in a habitual way, it was easy for my simple joy to be shucked as I passed by a mirror in one of my favorite stores. The thoughts of worthlessness and shame had crept back up…
You know what I did? I stomped on them. Well, maybe I didn’t stomp all of the life out of them, but I squashed ‘em good. What worth are those thoughts of “not good enough”, “not pretty enough”, “not thin enough” anyway? Where does that get me, thinking things like that? Those thoughts get me down…and that is a place I cannot afford to be for very long. How about you?
If I stay in this underground of negative thoughts, I will succumb to the most horrible thoughts eventually. It is my job to pull myself out as best as I can and to tell myself, even out loud if need be, that I am worth-loving, that I matter. It’s too easy to get lost here, in this abyss of dark thoughts…I must choose to follow the lighter path, for it’s worth more than gold or the most precious treasure…packaged up inside these happy thoughts lies my joy and peace, and that is where my heart and soul can be free to express itself and be free of the bondage of lies.
Hang on to the happy thoughts…they are priceless, like you.
10/09/2009 at 6:27 pm
You, beloved friend, are most precious. You are turbo-powered technicolor vibrance!! This positivity thrills me. It’s one of the many, many things that makes me crazy about you… glorious blessing that you are.
10/15/2009 at 5:54 am
Good for you Amy – you tell those thoughts to take a hike – they are lies, based on lies you started believing when you were young, because it was the only thing that made sense at the time. At least that’s the way it works for me. We are all important, we are all an integral part of an interconnected whole, and we all have an essential part to play in it. If you take yourself out of the web, the whole thing is affected – it shifts, becomes weaker. Have faith in yourself that you belong, you are just as worthy as any other part! Lots of love.
10/20/2009 at 12:26 am
Brilliant post! I totally agree with you. Negative thoughts poison our whole well being. Thinking more of happy thoughts and dwelling more on the positive aspects of life increases our self-worth. Thus, it gives us complete joy.
http://growingwithtruth.com/blog/107/how-to-boost-your-self-worth/
10/20/2009 at 12:50 am
Im glad you stomped on them and talked back to them. I need to do that too. *HUG*